Big Screen -- No People?

Big Screen -- No People?
Originally uploaded by Phalanx.

Empty Theater Seats -- the biggest scare for people in the Westside of Los Angeles since the Rodney King induced Riot. All year there has been talk of the "Death of Hollywood." Hollywood actually died when all the corporations decided that making money is more important that making compelling, entertaining product in a business that called "The Entertainment Business." You would think the foremost priority is to at least entertain, then challenge and get you talking to your friends and neighbors about whatever product you bought and liked (TV, music, movies, video games) -- not so in Hollywood, if the Numbers Guys tell you, "that film is a bad bet, it's not going to make money to justify the costs" then a movie is not made. Guess what? The Numbers Guys don't know SHIT about what brings people in droves into the theatres.

Apparently George Lucas, Bob Kane (the creator of Batman), Stan Lee and Steve Spielberg do... but aren't those guys smart, shrewd businessmen/entertainers? Of course they are, not any dumb fuck who crunches numbers on Wall Street or on Olive Avenue in Burbank.

A few years ago a friend of mine was telling me about the wonders of Japanese cinema as we talked about Takashi Miike's disturbing AUDITION. He pointed out that in Japan, the domestic films routinely perform the poorest, so the Japanese film industry pretty much lets their filmmakers make whatever the fuck that they want -- they have nothing to lose and everything to gain; hence, the violent, repellent masterpieces by Kitano, Miike and others.

The majority of the films that come out of Hollywood are just too damn boring and plain. Shit, HBO and FoxTV offers better entertainment.

You know what I'm doing -- a spoof PSA on those Movie Piracy Ads you see in front of movies now, where the stunt man or the construction guy is crying about the potential loss of work. Complaining about Runaway Production (that's when US Studio movies are shot outside of the confines of southern California) and what not; well in my Ad we're going to be complaining about Runaway Star Salaries.

For instance, take Nicole Kidman here –


hot, fuckable, talented actress, darling of many, envy of others, but did anyone go see BETWITCHED? Fuck, no! And did you know that it cost upwards of $80million... yeah, I said that right $80million!!! On what? Mostly Nicole's salary (I'm thinking around $15 to $20mil) and the woefully unfunny Will Ferrel's salary is around the same, then you add in Mike Caine (probably $5mil) and then the script, director and producer (another $5 - 8mil) and you're looking at $50 million in salaries of only the key people. In a movie concept that has never performed well -- the TV Remake. So BEWITCHED only makes money somewhere in the mid $30 dollar range -- a FUCKING FLOP by anyone's standards. And you could see why from a mile away.

Obviously there have been some surprises - WEDDING CRASHERS, something all the Industry so-called "Know-It-Alls" were sketpical about because it was a R-Rated Comedy, and those are tough to sell because the offend a lot of people in the Red States who then complain to Congress, and then Congress WITHOUT SEEING the films in questions, chastise Hollywood and the filmmakers on the Capital Floor. BULLSHIT!

Then you had FANTASTIC FOUR, which a lot of people thought wasn't going to perform that well.


Well, Jessica Alba's fat tits and ass not withstanding, the movie wasn't half bad -- it could have been 20 or 30% better, but it easily could have been 300% worse. And thankfully it made enough movie to justify a sequel, where we can hopefully see the FF do what they do best -- stop galatic menances from destroying Earth or this Solar System.

Then you have films like THE ISLAND, with big-titted Scarlett Johansson (reason alone to see the movie), but who's behind that film? Michael Bay, then man who brought us BAD BOYS 2 and PEARL HARBOR, such obscence stinkers... if BAD BOYS 2 was an original film, with different stars into, that movie would have SERIOUSLY flopped too. Meaning that Bay's films since ARMAGEDDON have been beyond atrocious. Mainly because he thinks that story and characters has less priority than how much shit blows up, how many cars get trashed and how many near naked women he's going to put on screen...

I look at this way too, the home theatre system makes going to the movies seem like chump change for most Americans, because the theatres don’t have THX quality sound and picture. With home theater you can get HDTV, JBL speakers, the dopest of the dope chairs,

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But see I also need to blame DVDs… yes they are great, I watch them quite a bit (still I find more movies to watch on Turner Classic Movies and Fox Movie Channel that DVDs to rent) and they are the latest form of “Catching Up With The Jones” in regards to who has the biggest collections. However, all the “extras” on DVDs – value-add content as they put it in the home video departments of the studios – show the average person TOO MUCH about how films are made. These documentaries and commentaries and deleted scenes and photo galleries remove that elusive “movie magic” or as the late great Chick Hearn would say, “the mustard is off the hotdog.” Movies seem to be nothing more than assembly line products, and these Behind-The-Scene featurettes remove any sense of wonder or awe – and when movies have no more “how did they do that” factor (considering all blockbusters strive for that) because we can cue up a DVD special edition and figure it out… then man. Why even go see the stinking rot that Hollywood thinks we all want to see.